I'm beginning to realise how easy it is to put off thinking about things I'm anxious about by just doing pretty much anything. The moment I catch myself worrying bout something important I just replace those worries with something more trivial and I feel like it's finally coming to get me. Something that I've ignored for the longest time is whether my interest in people exists because I'm actually interested in them or just because I'm lonely. Apart from it being pretty fucking sad, it's just so weird because the idea of commitment freaks me out so much and yet I'm a low-key attention seeker. (low key bc I hate it but it makes me feel nice at the same time) (I'm a walking contradiction it really sucks) And flat out, it just really sucks. I try not to think about it but I find myself constantly worrying about if people think I'm desperate or spewing bc I feel like I missed an opportunity to become friends with someone (basically uni). And even when things turn out well, I can't help but feel so annoying and I don't know if I'm being too over dramatic or this is some deep rooted insecurity that I have EITHER WAY I don't know how to deal with all this anxiety that I feel and it's stressing me out. Part of the reason why I'm writing this write now is because I have to let it out but I am internally cringing bc I sound so melodramatic and I just want to neck myself for being one of those first world problem people. This constant cycle of worrying about such basic crap is so suffocating but I don't know how to stop. And I really need to stop because I have 4 essays due and I really don't have time to deal with me having a mental breakdown. I keep typing but part of me wants to chuck this in the drafts and leave me to worry about it another time. You know your the procrastination queen when you procrastinate feelings lolololll.
Fuck it, here goes nothing. Good luck with trying to read this bc I don't even know if I can read this LOL
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I'm beginning to realise how easy it is to put off thinking about things I'm anxious about by just doing pretty much anything. The moment I catch myself worrying bout something important I just replace those worries with something more trivial and I feel like it's finally coming to get me. Something that I've ignored for the longest time is whether my interest in people exists because I'm actually interested in them or just because I'm lonely. Apart from it being pretty fucking sad, it's just so weird because the idea of commitment freaks me out so much and yet I'm a low-key attention seeker. (low key bc I hate it but it makes me feel nice at the same time) (I'm a walking contradiction it really sucks) And flat out, it just really sucks. I try not to think about it but I find myself constantly worrying about if people think I'm desperate or spewing bc I feel like I missed an opportunity to become friends with someone (basically uni). And even when things turn out well, I can't help but feel so annoying and I don't know if I'm being too over dramatic or this is some deep rooted insecurity that I have EITHER WAY I don't know how to deal with all this anxiety that I feel and it's stressing me out. Part of the reason why I'm writing this write now is because I have to let it out but I am internally cringing bc I sound so melodramatic and I just want to neck myself for being one of those first world problem people. This constant cycle of worrying about such basic crap is so suffocating but I don't know how to stop. And I really need to stop because I have 4 essays due and I really don't have time to deal with me having a mental breakdown. I keep typing but part of me wants to chuck this in the drafts and leave me to worry about it another time. You know your the procrastination queen when you procrastinate feelings lolololll.
Fuck it, here goes nothing. Good luck with trying to read this bc I don't even know if I can read this LOL
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