/ Monday, 29 August 2016 @05:05 /
And this is the beginning to the end.
Finding closure is when you know the hardest part is all over.
But what is closure? How do you know closure is closure? How do you know for certain that all those feelings won't come to haunt you in those late night moments of weakness?
I don't believe in getting over someone. No such thing as forgetting the feelings. You just learn to put your time and effort into more important people, more important pursuits.
That doesn't mean that when you're having a bad day that the thought of those times of your life don't come back to make you feel worse, because a moment of weakness is never really ever a moment is it? It starts and progresses and when you find yourself thinking of someone who has brought you grief and pain, then that’s the worst part because you realise that the pain never gets easier.
But at this point, you're getting better. At least you're associating said person with negative thoughts, rather than being still hung over wonderful memories of the past. People say to keep the wonderful memories and to get over the pain but isn't it the good times of the past that give you the most pain? Wouldn't you rather the anger than the constant reminder of what could've been?
Hey I’m no professional but I am a survivor. I've experienced the pain of losing people who you thought would always be there. Who had always been there. But such is life. Nothing lasts forever. And if I've learnt anything it's that all things, will at some point, pass. And if it's any consolidation, I've had people leave me. I've let people leave me. These experiences have been the most painful and yet I'm still here. The spaces where they once occupied continue to weigh down on me but it's the weight of it that's made me stronger. The spaces have made me appreciate intimacy. The things I lack have heightened my appreciation for everything I do have.
The beginning of the end is scary and the pain seems unbearable. The beginning of the end does not get easier. It might seem like it does but don't be fooled. Only the strongest endure the beginning of the end. The more we look back at our life, we realise how small our problems used to be and that is evident of the strength we gain as a person. If you’re a survivor, there are only going to be more bad times ahead. Worse than the ones you could’ve ever experienced.
But what is pain without even just a brief moment of happiness? The only people who feel pain are the ones who have known happiness. It's times like this we acknowledge that ignorance is truly bliss. Happiness seems so small and fleeting compared to the large doses of sadness that we feel but a little happiness can get you a long way.
The end always means a beginning. And a new beginning is a closure. Closure doesn't mean that the past won't come back to find you, but at least you know what you’re in for.
/ Friday, 5 August 2016 @02:55 /
I've been going over my old posts and over analysing them as per usual and I just wanted to clarify something. Although it's pretty obvious how much of a hopeless romantic I am, I'm not specifically looking for a relationship.
I definitely love the idea of a relationship but it honestly seems so exhausting. I think that communication is like one of the most important things if you want a healthy relationship ("I think" because how I would I know? LOL) and I'm honestly horrible at communicating. To me, if you don't ask I probably won't tell you. It's not me trying to be secretive or ~*mysterious*~, I just assume most people aren't interested. Although that might sound incredibly self deprecating, not much really happens in my life, so it gets kinda blurry when it comes to things I find important and actual important things. So in my eyes, everything gets categorised as "not that important", therefore not worth telling people about AHAH I'm actually really bad at just talking in general whether it be in real life or calling or texting. I'm not good at being cute and charming, and I find talking really tiring so yeah I'm no fun lololll
And just in general I would be a horrible girlfriend no lie. Like for one, I'm one of those people who pretends not to care but I high key care. Just like I pretend I'm pretty chill but I will definitely be high key jealous 24/7, which is not cute. I just am not sure that I'm really a relationship kinda girl. Or am I trying to make myself feel better because I'm not in a relationship??? Psychoanalysing myself, typical me AHAH
Well I've had Dear No One by Tori Kelly on repeat for the past couple of weeks and I want to adopt that kinda cool but at the same time super positive attitude that Dear No One has bUT Oui by Jeremih is also one of my favourites right now so y'know mixed feels
This is a hot mess, I'm out
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