/ Saturday, 28 May 2016 @22:23 /
I recently watched the film Her for university and I really loved it. Not gonna lie, the premise of the film is totally weird and the film can be very strange at times. I really enjoyed it because I think it really captured what it means to be lonely. The main protagonist lives in a very privileged and comfortable life and yet he is unsatisfied. It might sound very first world problem-y but I think it explores the idea of what it means to be happy with your life. Comfort and stability is definitely nice but there is more to life than feeling safe and warm and I really feel like Her explores that aspect really well. I really recommend you watch this film. Warning, there is some really strange sexual scenes in the film but I think if you can look past it, it's a really awesome film. Btw, it is also super aesthetically pleasing, which is a plus in my books.
/ @22:11 /
"Sometimes I think I have felt everything I'm ever gonna feel. And from here on out, I'm not gonna feel anything new. Just lesser versions of what I've already felt."
/ Friday, 6 May 2016 @23:04 /
I thought I would start with a nice quote about not caring what people think and being positive and what not but thinking about it I was like cringing so I here I am. Not gonna lie, I love me a good quote about empowering yourself and whatever but it just didn't feel right.
So about last time... I had a slight mental breakdown. It happens and I always feel different. I mean looking back at that post that I made on Monday, I don't feel like I'm that person. I mean if you know me, I'm all about positive vibes and loving yourself but everybody has their weaknesses. I don't know what happened but at the same time I feel like it was inevitable. I'm not good with words and saying things (which might be why I love my quotes AHAH), so I tend to overcompensate with self deprecating memes (surprise surprise). It all seemed to come crashing down on me and I just felt really scared because I wasn't sure how to cope. I don't know where I am going with this, but I would just like to point out that I'm fine.
I was initially going to some words of positivity for people who find it difficult to deal with their anxieties but thinking about it I don't think I'm the best person to offer advice. One of the things that did really help me to get through this week, and life in general is music. I made a playlist this week with songs that made me feel good and I thought I would share it here. There are about 20 songs, a mix of some old stuff and new stuff. There are some Korean songs but not many- like less than 5 LOL I mean music is a totally subjective thing, but sometimes it helps to listen to music that you wouldn't usually listen to. Or at least I really enjoy doing that. Either way, listen to some good music, it helps.
/ Monday, 2 May 2016 @23:16 /
I'm beginning to realise how easy it is to put off thinking about things I'm anxious about by just doing pretty much anything. The moment I catch myself worrying bout something important I just replace those worries with something more trivial and I feel like it's finally coming to get me. Something that I've ignored for the longest time is whether my interest in people exists because I'm actually interested in them or just because I'm lonely. Apart from it being pretty fucking sad, it's just so weird because the idea of commitment freaks me out so much and yet I'm a low-key attention seeker. (low key bc I hate it but it makes me feel nice at the same time) (I'm a walking contradiction it really sucks) And flat out, it just really sucks. I try not to think about it but I find myself constantly worrying about if people think I'm desperate or spewing bc I feel like I missed an opportunity to become friends with someone (basically uni). And even when things turn out well, I can't help but feel so annoying and I don't know if I'm being too over dramatic or this is some deep rooted insecurity that I have EITHER WAY I don't know how to deal with all this anxiety that I feel and it's stressing me out. Part of the reason why I'm writing this write now is because I have to let it out but I am internally cringing bc I sound so melodramatic and I just want to neck myself for being one of those first world problem people. This constant cycle of worrying about such basic crap is so suffocating but I don't know how to stop. And I really need to stop because I have 4 essays due and I really don't have time to deal with me having a mental breakdown. I keep typing but part of me wants to chuck this in the drafts and leave me to worry about it another time. You know your the procrastination queen when you procrastinate feelings lolololll.
Fuck it, here goes nothing. Good luck with trying to read this bc I don't even know if I can read this LOL
ADV // 20