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/ Thursday, 9 June 2016 @22:18 /

It's taken me a while to accept that I'm a hopeless romantic at heart. I think part of why it was so hard to accept the inner sap (lulz) was because it really does make me feel extremely vulnerable. It's like letting your guard down and it really scares me. Another reason why it makes me feel so self conscious is because I feel like a lot of people just say romantic things or do romantic things without meaning it. Combined with the fact that I am such a huge sucker for romantic acts and those lines that make your heart beat like crazy, it adds to that worry that isn't really real and I'm just falling for empty words. It just sounds too good too be true and I feel the constant struggle between being a huge romantic and being too cynical. I read romance novels and watch k dramas and my heart can't deal with how sweet and how genuine it all feels but a part of me knows that it isn't real and it makes me so sad. And if this is how I feel over works of fiction, how am I suppose to cope in the real world?I've been reading lots of novels with romance and watching romantic films, listening to love songs and even just watching k dramas and I can't deny that I love it. It might not seem like a big deal, but for someone who firmly believes in being independent and living for yourself and having a no bullshit kinda attitude, and then coming to terms with being in love with falling love, it's kinda scary. I find it incredibly easy to be cynical and cautious but letting your guard down is scary stuff and a part of me hates it but it's so heartbreakingly beautiful and as much as I try to be rational about it, it comes around and I feel like a young and innocent girl, who never grew out of fairy tales. For someone who has always felt like they had to be independent and never rely on anybody, opening yourself up to ideas of romance is so terrifying. It sounds so crazy coming from someone who has been single for a long time, like what would I know about romance and love? But the thing is I see it everywhere and of course I only see the best parts of relationships, but the fact that I constantly see the same people in love makes me believe in this very genuine and very pure idea of love. Love definitely becomes heightened when you're not in love.

Ah this is some crazy rambling but after watching Her and reading Saving Francesca and Fangirl and just listening to old school rnb and god my heart.

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