And this is the beginning to the end.
Finding closure is when you know the hardest part is all over.
But what is closure? How do you know closure is closure? How do you know for certain that all those feelings won't come to haunt you in those late night moments of weakness?
I don't believe in getting over someone. No such thing as forgetting the feelings. You just learn to put your time and effort into more important people, more important pursuits.
That doesn't mean that when you're having a bad day that the thought of those times of your life don't come back to make you feel worse, because a moment of weakness is never really ever a moment is it? It starts and progresses and when you find yourself thinking of someone who has brought you grief and pain, then that’s the worst part because you realise that the pain never gets easier.
But at this point, you're getting better. At least you're associating said person with negative thoughts, rather than being still hung over wonderful memories of the past. People say to keep the wonderful memories and to get over the pain but isn't it the good times of the past that give you the most pain? Wouldn't you rather the anger than the constant reminder of what could've been?
Hey I’m no professional but I am a survivor. I've experienced the pain of losing people who you thought would always be there. Who had always been there. But such is life. Nothing lasts forever. And if I've learnt anything it's that all things, will at some point, pass. And if it's any consolidation, I've had people leave me. I've let people leave me. These experiences have been the most painful and yet I'm still here. The spaces where they once occupied continue to weigh down on me but it's the weight of it that's made me stronger. The spaces have made me appreciate intimacy. The things I lack have heightened my appreciation for everything I do have.
The beginning of the end is scary and the pain seems unbearable. The beginning of the end does not get easier. It might seem like it does but don't be fooled. Only the strongest endure the beginning of the end. The more we look back at our life, we realise how small our problems used to be and that is evident of the strength we gain as a person. If you’re a survivor, there are only going to be more bad times ahead. Worse than the ones you could’ve ever experienced.
But what is pain without even just a brief moment of happiness? The only people who feel pain are the ones who have known happiness. It's times like this we acknowledge that ignorance is truly bliss. Happiness seems so small and fleeting compared to the large doses of sadness that we feel but a little happiness can get you a long way.
The end always means a beginning. And a new beginning is a closure. Closure doesn't mean that the past won't come back to find you, but at least you know what you’re in for.
I've been going over my old posts and over analysing them as per usual and I just wanted to clarify something. Although it's pretty obvious how much of a hopeless romantic I am, I'm not specifically looking for a relationship.
I definitely love the idea of a relationship but it honestly seems so exhausting. I think that communication is like one of the most important things if you want a healthy relationship ("I think" because how I would I know? LOL) and I'm honestly horrible at communicating. To me, if you don't ask I probably won't tell you. It's not me trying to be secretive or ~*mysterious*~, I just assume most people aren't interested. Although that might sound incredibly self deprecating, not much really happens in my life, so it gets kinda blurry when it comes to things I find important and actual important things. So in my eyes, everything gets categorised as "not that important", therefore not worth telling people about AHAH I'm actually really bad at just talking in general whether it be in real life or calling or texting. I'm not good at being cute and charming, and I find talking really tiring so yeah I'm no fun lololll
And just in general I would be a horrible girlfriend no lie. Like for one, I'm one of those people who pretends not to care but I high key care. Just like I pretend I'm pretty chill but I will definitely be high key jealous 24/7, which is not cute. I just am not sure that I'm really a relationship kinda girl. Or am I trying to make myself feel better because I'm not in a relationship??? Psychoanalysing myself, typical me AHAH
Well I've had Dear No One by Tori Kelly on repeat for the past couple of weeks and I want to adopt that kinda cool but at the same time super positive attitude that Dear No One has bUT Oui by Jeremih is also one of my favourites right now so y'know mixed feels
This is a hot mess, I'm out
jealousy is definitely one of the ugliest parts of me but I just can't seem to let it go
~*insecurities peaking*~
- the buzz you get when your favourite song is being played loudly
- when an unexpected video from your favourite youtube channel turns up in your subscriptions
- forgetting how cute someone is and then seeing them again
- when you bake something and you fully expect it to be gross but it turns out amazing
- tfw people remember random nice things about you
Trying to make it a point to notice nice things that happen bc my brain has been so toxic lately
It's taken me a while to accept that I'm a hopeless romantic at heart. I think part of why it was so hard to accept the inner sap (lulz) was because it really does make me feel extremely vulnerable. It's like letting your guard down and it really scares me. Another reason why it makes me feel so self conscious is because I feel like a lot of people just say romantic things or do romantic things without meaning it. Combined with the fact that I am such a huge sucker for romantic acts and those lines that make your heart beat like crazy, it adds to that worry that isn't really real and I'm just falling for empty words. It just sounds too good too be true and I feel the constant struggle between being a huge romantic and being too cynical. I read romance novels and watch k dramas and my heart can't deal with how sweet and how genuine it all feels but a part of me knows that it isn't real and it makes me so sad. And if this is how I feel over works of fiction, how am I suppose to cope in the real world?I've been reading lots of novels with romance and watching romantic films, listening to love songs and even just watching k dramas and I can't deny that I love it. It might not seem like a big deal, but for someone who firmly believes in being independent and living for yourself and having a no bullshit kinda attitude, and then coming to terms with being in love with falling love, it's kinda scary. I find it incredibly easy to be cynical and cautious but letting your guard down is scary stuff and a part of me hates it but it's so heartbreakingly beautiful and as much as I try to be rational about it, it comes around and I feel like a young and innocent girl, who never grew out of fairy tales. For someone who has always felt like they had to be independent and never rely on anybody, opening yourself up to ideas of romance is so terrifying. It sounds so crazy coming from someone who has been single for a long time, like what would I know about romance and love? But the thing is I see it everywhere and of course I only see the best parts of relationships, but the fact that I constantly see the same people in love makes me believe in this very genuine and very pure idea of love. Love definitely becomes heightened when you're not in love.
Ah this is some crazy rambling but after watching Her and reading Saving Francesca and Fangirl and just listening to old school rnb and god my heart.
I recently watched the film Her for university and I really loved it. Not gonna lie, the premise of the film is totally weird and the film can be very strange at times. I really enjoyed it because I think it really captured what it means to be lonely. The main protagonist lives in a very privileged and comfortable life and yet he is unsatisfied. It might sound very first world problem-y but I think it explores the idea of what it means to be happy with your life. Comfort and stability is definitely nice but there is more to life than feeling safe and warm and I really feel like Her explores that aspect really well. I really recommend you watch this film. Warning, there is some really strange sexual scenes in the film but I think if you can look past it, it's a really awesome film. Btw, it is also super aesthetically pleasing, which is a plus in my books.
"Sometimes I think I have felt everything I'm ever gonna feel. And from here on out, I'm not gonna feel anything new. Just lesser versions of what I've already felt."
By months | March 2015, April 2015, May 2015, August 2015, September 2015, October 2015, November 2015, December 2015, January 2016, February 2016, March 2016, April 2016, May 2016, June 2016, July 2016, August 2016, September 2016, March 2017, September 2017, October 2017, November 2017, January 2018, February 2018,
By posts | Pick a star in the sky. We can both say goodbye., Got a mind full of TNT, you made plans and i, i made problems, indulge with infatuation// always be my baby - mar..., realisations of a 20 year old, "Lately I can't help but notice contrasts in peopl..., hi hello, Honey, we don't need no fake magic, The art of handwriting // New Perspective, But are we all lost stars, trying to light up the ...,
And this is the beginning to the end.
Finding closure is when you know the hardest part is all over.
But what is closure? How do you know closure is closure? How do you know for certain that all those feelings won't come to haunt you in those late night moments of weakness?
I don't believe in getting over someone. No such thing as forgetting the feelings. You just learn to put your time and effort into more important people, more important pursuits.
That doesn't mean that when you're having a bad day that the thought of those times of your life don't come back to make you feel worse, because a moment of weakness is never really ever a moment is it? It starts and progresses and when you find yourself thinking of someone who has brought you grief and pain, then that’s the worst part because you realise that the pain never gets easier.
But at this point, you're getting better. At least you're associating said person with negative thoughts, rather than being still hung over wonderful memories of the past. People say to keep the wonderful memories and to get over the pain but isn't it the good times of the past that give you the most pain? Wouldn't you rather the anger than the constant reminder of what could've been?
Hey I’m no professional but I am a survivor. I've experienced the pain of losing people who you thought would always be there. Who had always been there. But such is life. Nothing lasts forever. And if I've learnt anything it's that all things, will at some point, pass. And if it's any consolidation, I've had people leave me. I've let people leave me. These experiences have been the most painful and yet I'm still here. The spaces where they once occupied continue to weigh down on me but it's the weight of it that's made me stronger. The spaces have made me appreciate intimacy. The things I lack have heightened my appreciation for everything I do have.
The beginning of the end is scary and the pain seems unbearable. The beginning of the end does not get easier. It might seem like it does but don't be fooled. Only the strongest endure the beginning of the end. The more we look back at our life, we realise how small our problems used to be and that is evident of the strength we gain as a person. If you’re a survivor, there are only going to be more bad times ahead. Worse than the ones you could’ve ever experienced.
But what is pain without even just a brief moment of happiness? The only people who feel pain are the ones who have known happiness. It's times like this we acknowledge that ignorance is truly bliss. Happiness seems so small and fleeting compared to the large doses of sadness that we feel but a little happiness can get you a long way.
The end always means a beginning. And a new beginning is a closure. Closure doesn't mean that the past won't come back to find you, but at least you know what you’re in for.
I've been going over my old posts and over analysing them as per usual and I just wanted to clarify something. Although it's pretty obvious how much of a hopeless romantic I am, I'm not specifically looking for a relationship.
I definitely love the idea of a relationship but it honestly seems so exhausting. I think that communication is like one of the most important things if you want a healthy relationship ("I think" because how I would I know? LOL) and I'm honestly horrible at communicating. To me, if you don't ask I probably won't tell you. It's not me trying to be secretive or ~*mysterious*~, I just assume most people aren't interested. Although that might sound incredibly self deprecating, not much really happens in my life, so it gets kinda blurry when it comes to things I find important and actual important things. So in my eyes, everything gets categorised as "not that important", therefore not worth telling people about AHAH I'm actually really bad at just talking in general whether it be in real life or calling or texting. I'm not good at being cute and charming, and I find talking really tiring so yeah I'm no fun lololll
And just in general I would be a horrible girlfriend no lie. Like for one, I'm one of those people who pretends not to care but I high key care. Just like I pretend I'm pretty chill but I will definitely be high key jealous 24/7, which is not cute. I just am not sure that I'm really a relationship kinda girl. Or am I trying to make myself feel better because I'm not in a relationship??? Psychoanalysing myself, typical me AHAH
Well I've had Dear No One by Tori Kelly on repeat for the past couple of weeks and I want to adopt that kinda cool but at the same time super positive attitude that Dear No One has bUT Oui by Jeremih is also one of my favourites right now so y'know mixed feels
This is a hot mess, I'm out
jealousy is definitely one of the ugliest parts of me but I just can't seem to let it go
~*insecurities peaking*~
- the buzz you get when your favourite song is being played loudly
- when an unexpected video from your favourite youtube channel turns up in your subscriptions
- forgetting how cute someone is and then seeing them again
- when you bake something and you fully expect it to be gross but it turns out amazing
- tfw people remember random nice things about you
Trying to make it a point to notice nice things that happen bc my brain has been so toxic lately
It's taken me a while to accept that I'm a hopeless romantic at heart. I think part of why it was so hard to accept the inner sap (lulz) was because it really does make me feel extremely vulnerable. It's like letting your guard down and it really scares me. Another reason why it makes me feel so self conscious is because I feel like a lot of people just say romantic things or do romantic things without meaning it. Combined with the fact that I am such a huge sucker for romantic acts and those lines that make your heart beat like crazy, it adds to that worry that isn't really real and I'm just falling for empty words. It just sounds too good too be true and I feel the constant struggle between being a huge romantic and being too cynical. I read romance novels and watch k dramas and my heart can't deal with how sweet and how genuine it all feels but a part of me knows that it isn't real and it makes me so sad. And if this is how I feel over works of fiction, how am I suppose to cope in the real world?I've been reading lots of novels with romance and watching romantic films, listening to love songs and even just watching k dramas and I can't deny that I love it. It might not seem like a big deal, but for someone who firmly believes in being independent and living for yourself and having a no bullshit kinda attitude, and then coming to terms with being in love with falling love, it's kinda scary. I find it incredibly easy to be cynical and cautious but letting your guard down is scary stuff and a part of me hates it but it's so heartbreakingly beautiful and as much as I try to be rational about it, it comes around and I feel like a young and innocent girl, who never grew out of fairy tales. For someone who has always felt like they had to be independent and never rely on anybody, opening yourself up to ideas of romance is so terrifying. It sounds so crazy coming from someone who has been single for a long time, like what would I know about romance and love? But the thing is I see it everywhere and of course I only see the best parts of relationships, but the fact that I constantly see the same people in love makes me believe in this very genuine and very pure idea of love. Love definitely becomes heightened when you're not in love.
Ah this is some crazy rambling but after watching Her and reading Saving Francesca and Fangirl and just listening to old school rnb and god my heart.
I recently watched the film Her for university and I really loved it. Not gonna lie, the premise of the film is totally weird and the film can be very strange at times. I really enjoyed it because I think it really captured what it means to be lonely. The main protagonist lives in a very privileged and comfortable life and yet he is unsatisfied. It might sound very first world problem-y but I think it explores the idea of what it means to be happy with your life. Comfort and stability is definitely nice but there is more to life than feeling safe and warm and I really feel like Her explores that aspect really well. I really recommend you watch this film. Warning, there is some really strange sexual scenes in the film but I think if you can look past it, it's a really awesome film. Btw, it is also super aesthetically pleasing, which is a plus in my books.
"Sometimes I think I have felt everything I'm ever gonna feel. And from here on out, I'm not gonna feel anything new. Just lesser versions of what I've already felt."
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