I thought I would start with a nice quote about not caring what people think and being positive and what not but thinking about it I was like cringing so I here I am. Not gonna lie, I love me a good quote about empowering yourself and whatever but it just didn't feel right.
So about last time... I had a slight mental breakdown. It happens and I always feel different. I mean looking back at that post that I made on Monday, I don't feel like I'm that person. I mean if you know me, I'm all about positive vibes and loving yourself but everybody has their weaknesses. I don't know what happened but at the same time I feel like it was inevitable. I'm not good with words and saying things (which might be why I love my quotes AHAH), so I tend to overcompensate with self deprecating memes (surprise surprise). It all seemed to come crashing down on me and I just felt really scared because I wasn't sure how to cope. I don't know where I am going with this, but I would just like to point out that I'm fine.
I was initially going to some words of positivity for people who find it difficult to deal with their anxieties but thinking about it I don't think I'm the best person to offer advice. One of the things that did really help me to get through this week, and life in general is music. I made a playlist this week with songs that made me feel good and I thought I would share it here. There are about 20 songs, a mix of some old stuff and new stuff. There are some Korean songs but not many- like less than 5 LOL I mean music is a totally subjective thing, but sometimes it helps to listen to music that you wouldn't usually listen to. Or at least I really enjoy doing that. Either way, listen to some good music, it helps.
I'm beginning to realise how easy it is to put off thinking about things I'm anxious about by just doing pretty much anything. The moment I catch myself worrying bout something important I just replace those worries with something more trivial and I feel like it's finally coming to get me. Something that I've ignored for the longest time is whether my interest in people exists because I'm actually interested in them or just because I'm lonely. Apart from it being pretty fucking sad, it's just so weird because the idea of commitment freaks me out so much and yet I'm a low-key attention seeker. (low key bc I hate it but it makes me feel nice at the same time) (I'm a walking contradiction it really sucks) And flat out, it just really sucks. I try not to think about it but I find myself constantly worrying about if people think I'm desperate or spewing bc I feel like I missed an opportunity to become friends with someone (basically uni). And even when things turn out well, I can't help but feel so annoying and I don't know if I'm being too over dramatic or this is some deep rooted insecurity that I have EITHER WAY I don't know how to deal with all this anxiety that I feel and it's stressing me out. Part of the reason why I'm writing this write now is because I have to let it out but I am internally cringing bc I sound so melodramatic and I just want to neck myself for being one of those first world problem people. This constant cycle of worrying about such basic crap is so suffocating but I don't know how to stop. And I really need to stop because I have 4 essays due and I really don't have time to deal with me having a mental breakdown. I keep typing but part of me wants to chuck this in the drafts and leave me to worry about it another time. You know your the procrastination queen when you procrastinate feelings lolololll.
Fuck it, here goes nothing. Good luck with trying to read this bc I don't even know if I can read this LOL
You are damaged and broken and unhinged. But so are shooting stars and comets.
— Nikita Gill, “Shooting Stars and Comets”
Honestly have been feeling super stressed and strung out lately but this quote made me feel slightly better, so I thought I would share it. Trying to keep my positive vibes up by listening to some good music (Dean's album is amazing stuff) and watching Wahlie's vlogs (their pets are my weakness). But nonetheless I'm sending positive vibes in the hopes that I'll be getting some in return AHA
Stay happy folks ♥
Hello hello,
I'm three weeks into university and the stress is starting to kick in. Assesments for my subjects are coming in and it looks like crazy times ahead.
I am SUPER disappointed with my history unit and it's so heartbreaking. Content wise, it's the stuff I love but the way it's being taught is so tragic. The lecturer we have talks so quickly and it's as if she just wants to get the lecture over and done with, similarly with my tutor she seems like she just doesn't want to be there and I am currently sucking it up but crying in the inside. On a lighter note, one of our assessments is a research task and we get given a selection of questions we can look at, and one of my favourite eras of history WWII, specifically the war in the pacific, is one of the questions and I can't wait to start it!!(I'm a nerd whatever)
My favourite unit right now would be my education one. Right now we're looking at representations of teachers and children/youth and what it says about being a teacher and it makes you really think "why am I doing this?". And I mean that in the best way possible because it feels good to really reflect on your choice of becoming a teacher. Although I've wanted to be a teacher for the last two years or so, I don't think it's really hit me that I'm actually studying to become a teacher. I don't think the content would have been so engaging if it wasn't for one of our main lecturers, who also happens to be my tutor. He's super cool and has really fun lectures, so it's super enjoyable. We are going to be having different lecturers towards the second half of the semester but I'm not too worried about that, just because I do like my tutor so it should be fine (I hope AHAH)
As for my two other units, they're both English units. I don't hate them but I don't love them either. My Constructing the Fictive Self (engl1026) lecturer isn't the most interesting lecturer but he is quite passionate and tries very heard to engage with us, which makes the lectures a lot better, Texts wise, they're not my favourite but it really is a different experience discussing it in lectures and tutorials because seemingly boring and slow texts do become much more interesting, so there's that. Tutorials wise, I really like my engl1026 tutor. She's nice, straight forward and easy to talk to and it's just super interesting to hear what she has to say about the texts.
As for my Narratives of Romance and Adventure (engl1002) it's pretty much what I expected, in that it's pretty boring. My lecturer right now seems to lack direction, so it's really hard to understand the main point of what he is saying. Surprisingly, I really enjoyed our first text, The Odyssey, but I feel like he's made me dislike it LOL. Our unit coordinator is starting to lecture next week, so I'm PRAYING that it'll be better. At this point in time I don't know how to feel about my engl1002 tutor. I might just not like the lectures and that has passed on to the tutorials but we're moving on to a new text so hopefully things might change.
Everybody at USYD seems super nice but it's been pretty difficult to make actual friends because when you do an arts unit, everyone is doing a different course. So you do have people doing educ/arts but a lot of people I have encountered are doing either bachelor of international and global studies or arts/law. Basically everybody is all over the place, so you don't see many familiar faces, which makes it a little bit harder to make friends. I've been talking to a lot of different people but it sucks that I have to wait a week before I see them again, and even then we're just sitting in the tute but ah hopefully things will be better as time goes on.
Wow this is super long. Sorry for my crazy rambling!! If you have stayed till the end, tysm. I know most of the people who are reading this are first years or "freshies" (uni slang yo) so I hope your uni experience has been a good one. And if it has honestly been super crappy, hopefully things will get better once you've settled in!
-Ashleigh
University has come quicker than expected and it's strange to think that 13 years of study have accumulated to this. For the most part, I'm quite excited. I finally get to do something that I'm passionate about and the idea of it has my heart racing. As excited as I have been there is still an element of nervousness. Making friends, making my way around campus, keeping up with the work and there are the underlying thoughts of whether what I'm doing is right for me. My course outlines have finally been uploaded and my excitement for them gives me the indication that I'll love learning but the thing I've been most nervous about is whether I am prepared to teach it. Obviously, this is why I am going to uni, to learn how to be a teacher, but it's hard to imagine myself becoming a teacher.
It doesn't sound like I'm excited but I honestly can't wait. Like I said previously, my course outlines just came out and my American History unit almost had me in tears because of how amazing it sounded (I geeked out so hard it was so embarrassing but yolo) My last course outline to be uploaded was my mandatory education one and it sounds a lot better than I was expecting it to. I met the professor taking the unit and he was pretty cool and it pretty much cemented my overall excitement for the course.
I think I just need to remain positive and put things into perspective. I'm doing what I love and I shouldn't worry too much about everything else.
I'll be in class in approximately 10 hours, send me positive thoughts, good vibes aND PRAY THAT I DON'T GET LOST AND COME LATE
"Who's influenced you the most in your life?"
"My principal, Ms. Lopez."
"How has she influenced you?"
"When we get in trouble, she doesn't suspend us. She calls us to her office and explains to us how society was built down around us. And she tells us that each time somebody fails out of school, a new jail cell gets built. And one time she made every student stand up, one at a time, and she told each one of us that we matter."
For followers of Humans of New York, this should be a familiar photograph. I thought I would share it because this is what encouraged me to pursue teaching. A lot of people have asked me "Why teaching?", especially since I had little interest in pursuing before this year*. I knew I wanted to do a career where I could help people and sure there are a lot of careers that do that, teaching is one where you could see the direct results of your actions and you also have a much larger reach.
After seeing this picture, it didn't immediately encourage me to pursue teaching but it did make me more aware of the efforts of my teachers. A teacher's combined passion, not only for their teaching area but, for their students that inspired me to go into teaching. Helping people has always been one of the main factors in choosing a career and I think becoming a teacher is one of the best ways I could possibly do that. I feel this way because I don't think a good teacher is one that teaches well because in the end all people are different and I feel like it's impossible to teach in such a way that will benefit all students. I think being a teacher is more of a learning experience. It's learning the needs of each student and learning ways in which you can benefit these students in the long run. By a teacher learning such things this, in turn, becomes a valuable experience for your students.
As well as wanting to help people I have a huge passion for history, not only because the events and personalities fascinate me (although that is a huge part of it), but because it says so much about humanity and the human condition. The changes in history say a lot about the changes in society and I personally believe it's a subject that helps you to understand people.
((I'm such a history geek it hurts))
Right now, I'm majoring in English and minoring in History. It would've been the reverse but because I want to get my TESOL accreditation I have to gain a certain amount of either, English or language credit points, so I thought it would be better to be safe than sorry and decided to major in English.
(this is a ridiculously long sentence HOW AM I GOING TO BE AN ENGLISH TEACHER)
This is another long post, sorry if I've been babbling. I wanted to share why I wanted to go into teaching but I feel like I just went crazy and just wrote everything that came to my head. And sorry again if this is all sorts of grammatically incorrect like I said I kinda just word vomited in the hopes it would make moderate sense.
*I wrote a draft for this last year and I was too lazy to rephrase the sentence whoops
Hi, it's been exactly a month.
You would've realised that I haven't posted since the death of my rabbit. Although I was posting on my social media and all, I was having a hard time coping with the death of my little rabbit. For the most part I was really anxious because the death was so sudden we weren't sure the cause of it, so I became increasingly worried for my other rabbit. It also didn't help that I went on holiday a couple weeks later and had to leave him with relatives. Sure this worry is making me look after him better but at times it can be super irrational and hard to cope with.
To deal with this constant worry and restlessness (is that a word?) I've started to journal more and I thought I would start blogging again, especially since uni is coming up again. Hopefully this will help to soothe my uneasiness, not just for my rabbit but for school and my personal life in general.
Since I last posted I was sure I was going to attend Macquarie University but then I had a sudden change of heart. My atar was a complete surprise to me because I doubted my performance during the HSC and I didn't believed that I would be able to go to any other university. Once my marks came out I had so many choices and I kept tossing between staying at MQ and going some where different.
On the last day of finalising university preferences I finally made the choice of putting University of Sydney as my first preference. With a lot of research and a little convincing from Laura I felt University of Sydney was the one for me. I came to this conclusion because, although I really did love MQ, the thing that set USYD apart from it was being able to get a TESOL certification in my final year.
For those who don't know, TESOL stands for Teaching English for Speakers of Other Languages (god that's a mouthful). A TESOL certification is internationally recognised and allows you to teach English to both children and adults. In most Universities you have to do this separate to your degree but at USYD it's included into your education degree, which is what eventually won me over. I wanted to get a TESOL degree because I wanted to have the opportunity to teach all over the world and if there was the chance that I couldn't find a job in Australia, I would still be able to pursue teaching in other countries. It also opens doors to working with non-english speakers in Australia such as refugees, which is something I've really wanted to do for a very long time.
So at USYD I am majoring in English and minoring in History (Modern) and I am honestly so excited. All my units sound super interesting and I am really excited. Again with the excitement there is still an element of anxiety but I think that if I remain open minded and willing to learn, each new experience will be valuable.
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I thought I would start with a nice quote about not caring what people think and being positive and what not but thinking about it I was like cringing so I here I am. Not gonna lie, I love me a good quote about empowering yourself and whatever but it just didn't feel right.
So about last time... I had a slight mental breakdown. It happens and I always feel different. I mean looking back at that post that I made on Monday, I don't feel like I'm that person. I mean if you know me, I'm all about positive vibes and loving yourself but everybody has their weaknesses. I don't know what happened but at the same time I feel like it was inevitable. I'm not good with words and saying things (which might be why I love my quotes AHAH), so I tend to overcompensate with self deprecating memes (surprise surprise). It all seemed to come crashing down on me and I just felt really scared because I wasn't sure how to cope. I don't know where I am going with this, but I would just like to point out that I'm fine.
I was initially going to some words of positivity for people who find it difficult to deal with their anxieties but thinking about it I don't think I'm the best person to offer advice. One of the things that did really help me to get through this week, and life in general is music. I made a playlist this week with songs that made me feel good and I thought I would share it here. There are about 20 songs, a mix of some old stuff and new stuff. There are some Korean songs but not many- like less than 5 LOL I mean music is a totally subjective thing, but sometimes it helps to listen to music that you wouldn't usually listen to. Or at least I really enjoy doing that. Either way, listen to some good music, it helps.
I'm beginning to realise how easy it is to put off thinking about things I'm anxious about by just doing pretty much anything. The moment I catch myself worrying bout something important I just replace those worries with something more trivial and I feel like it's finally coming to get me. Something that I've ignored for the longest time is whether my interest in people exists because I'm actually interested in them or just because I'm lonely. Apart from it being pretty fucking sad, it's just so weird because the idea of commitment freaks me out so much and yet I'm a low-key attention seeker. (low key bc I hate it but it makes me feel nice at the same time) (I'm a walking contradiction it really sucks) And flat out, it just really sucks. I try not to think about it but I find myself constantly worrying about if people think I'm desperate or spewing bc I feel like I missed an opportunity to become friends with someone (basically uni). And even when things turn out well, I can't help but feel so annoying and I don't know if I'm being too over dramatic or this is some deep rooted insecurity that I have EITHER WAY I don't know how to deal with all this anxiety that I feel and it's stressing me out. Part of the reason why I'm writing this write now is because I have to let it out but I am internally cringing bc I sound so melodramatic and I just want to neck myself for being one of those first world problem people. This constant cycle of worrying about such basic crap is so suffocating but I don't know how to stop. And I really need to stop because I have 4 essays due and I really don't have time to deal with me having a mental breakdown. I keep typing but part of me wants to chuck this in the drafts and leave me to worry about it another time. You know your the procrastination queen when you procrastinate feelings lolololll.
Fuck it, here goes nothing. Good luck with trying to read this bc I don't even know if I can read this LOL
You are damaged and broken and unhinged. But so are shooting stars and comets.
— Nikita Gill, “Shooting Stars and Comets”
Honestly have been feeling super stressed and strung out lately but this quote made me feel slightly better, so I thought I would share it. Trying to keep my positive vibes up by listening to some good music (Dean's album is amazing stuff) and watching Wahlie's vlogs (their pets are my weakness). But nonetheless I'm sending positive vibes in the hopes that I'll be getting some in return AHA
Stay happy folks ♥
Hello hello,
I'm three weeks into university and the stress is starting to kick in. Assesments for my subjects are coming in and it looks like crazy times ahead.
I am SUPER disappointed with my history unit and it's so heartbreaking. Content wise, it's the stuff I love but the way it's being taught is so tragic. The lecturer we have talks so quickly and it's as if she just wants to get the lecture over and done with, similarly with my tutor she seems like she just doesn't want to be there and I am currently sucking it up but crying in the inside. On a lighter note, one of our assessments is a research task and we get given a selection of questions we can look at, and one of my favourite eras of history WWII, specifically the war in the pacific, is one of the questions and I can't wait to start it!!(I'm a nerd whatever)
My favourite unit right now would be my education one. Right now we're looking at representations of teachers and children/youth and what it says about being a teacher and it makes you really think "why am I doing this?". And I mean that in the best way possible because it feels good to really reflect on your choice of becoming a teacher. Although I've wanted to be a teacher for the last two years or so, I don't think it's really hit me that I'm actually studying to become a teacher. I don't think the content would have been so engaging if it wasn't for one of our main lecturers, who also happens to be my tutor. He's super cool and has really fun lectures, so it's super enjoyable. We are going to be having different lecturers towards the second half of the semester but I'm not too worried about that, just because I do like my tutor so it should be fine (I hope AHAH)
As for my two other units, they're both English units. I don't hate them but I don't love them either. My Constructing the Fictive Self (engl1026) lecturer isn't the most interesting lecturer but he is quite passionate and tries very heard to engage with us, which makes the lectures a lot better, Texts wise, they're not my favourite but it really is a different experience discussing it in lectures and tutorials because seemingly boring and slow texts do become much more interesting, so there's that. Tutorials wise, I really like my engl1026 tutor. She's nice, straight forward and easy to talk to and it's just super interesting to hear what she has to say about the texts.
As for my Narratives of Romance and Adventure (engl1002) it's pretty much what I expected, in that it's pretty boring. My lecturer right now seems to lack direction, so it's really hard to understand the main point of what he is saying. Surprisingly, I really enjoyed our first text, The Odyssey, but I feel like he's made me dislike it LOL. Our unit coordinator is starting to lecture next week, so I'm PRAYING that it'll be better. At this point in time I don't know how to feel about my engl1002 tutor. I might just not like the lectures and that has passed on to the tutorials but we're moving on to a new text so hopefully things might change.
Everybody at USYD seems super nice but it's been pretty difficult to make actual friends because when you do an arts unit, everyone is doing a different course. So you do have people doing educ/arts but a lot of people I have encountered are doing either bachelor of international and global studies or arts/law. Basically everybody is all over the place, so you don't see many familiar faces, which makes it a little bit harder to make friends. I've been talking to a lot of different people but it sucks that I have to wait a week before I see them again, and even then we're just sitting in the tute but ah hopefully things will be better as time goes on.
Wow this is super long. Sorry for my crazy rambling!! If you have stayed till the end, tysm. I know most of the people who are reading this are first years or "freshies" (uni slang yo) so I hope your uni experience has been a good one. And if it has honestly been super crappy, hopefully things will get better once you've settled in!
-Ashleigh
University has come quicker than expected and it's strange to think that 13 years of study have accumulated to this. For the most part, I'm quite excited. I finally get to do something that I'm passionate about and the idea of it has my heart racing. As excited as I have been there is still an element of nervousness. Making friends, making my way around campus, keeping up with the work and there are the underlying thoughts of whether what I'm doing is right for me. My course outlines have finally been uploaded and my excitement for them gives me the indication that I'll love learning but the thing I've been most nervous about is whether I am prepared to teach it. Obviously, this is why I am going to uni, to learn how to be a teacher, but it's hard to imagine myself becoming a teacher.
It doesn't sound like I'm excited but I honestly can't wait. Like I said previously, my course outlines just came out and my American History unit almost had me in tears because of how amazing it sounded (I geeked out so hard it was so embarrassing but yolo) My last course outline to be uploaded was my mandatory education one and it sounds a lot better than I was expecting it to. I met the professor taking the unit and he was pretty cool and it pretty much cemented my overall excitement for the course.
I think I just need to remain positive and put things into perspective. I'm doing what I love and I shouldn't worry too much about everything else.
I'll be in class in approximately 10 hours, send me positive thoughts, good vibes aND PRAY THAT I DON'T GET LOST AND COME LATE
"Who's influenced you the most in your life?"
"My principal, Ms. Lopez."
"How has she influenced you?"
"When we get in trouble, she doesn't suspend us. She calls us to her office and explains to us how society was built down around us. And she tells us that each time somebody fails out of school, a new jail cell gets built. And one time she made every student stand up, one at a time, and she told each one of us that we matter."
For followers of Humans of New York, this should be a familiar photograph. I thought I would share it because this is what encouraged me to pursue teaching. A lot of people have asked me "Why teaching?", especially since I had little interest in pursuing before this year*. I knew I wanted to do a career where I could help people and sure there are a lot of careers that do that, teaching is one where you could see the direct results of your actions and you also have a much larger reach.
After seeing this picture, it didn't immediately encourage me to pursue teaching but it did make me more aware of the efforts of my teachers. A teacher's combined passion, not only for their teaching area but, for their students that inspired me to go into teaching. Helping people has always been one of the main factors in choosing a career and I think becoming a teacher is one of the best ways I could possibly do that. I feel this way because I don't think a good teacher is one that teaches well because in the end all people are different and I feel like it's impossible to teach in such a way that will benefit all students. I think being a teacher is more of a learning experience. It's learning the needs of each student and learning ways in which you can benefit these students in the long run. By a teacher learning such things this, in turn, becomes a valuable experience for your students.
As well as wanting to help people I have a huge passion for history, not only because the events and personalities fascinate me (although that is a huge part of it), but because it says so much about humanity and the human condition. The changes in history say a lot about the changes in society and I personally believe it's a subject that helps you to understand people.
((I'm such a history geek it hurts))
Right now, I'm majoring in English and minoring in History. It would've been the reverse but because I want to get my TESOL accreditation I have to gain a certain amount of either, English or language credit points, so I thought it would be better to be safe than sorry and decided to major in English.
(this is a ridiculously long sentence HOW AM I GOING TO BE AN ENGLISH TEACHER)
This is another long post, sorry if I've been babbling. I wanted to share why I wanted to go into teaching but I feel like I just went crazy and just wrote everything that came to my head. And sorry again if this is all sorts of grammatically incorrect like I said I kinda just word vomited in the hopes it would make moderate sense.
*I wrote a draft for this last year and I was too lazy to rephrase the sentence whoops
Hi, it's been exactly a month.
You would've realised that I haven't posted since the death of my rabbit. Although I was posting on my social media and all, I was having a hard time coping with the death of my little rabbit. For the most part I was really anxious because the death was so sudden we weren't sure the cause of it, so I became increasingly worried for my other rabbit. It also didn't help that I went on holiday a couple weeks later and had to leave him with relatives. Sure this worry is making me look after him better but at times it can be super irrational and hard to cope with.
To deal with this constant worry and restlessness (is that a word?) I've started to journal more and I thought I would start blogging again, especially since uni is coming up again. Hopefully this will help to soothe my uneasiness, not just for my rabbit but for school and my personal life in general.
Since I last posted I was sure I was going to attend Macquarie University but then I had a sudden change of heart. My atar was a complete surprise to me because I doubted my performance during the HSC and I didn't believed that I would be able to go to any other university. Once my marks came out I had so many choices and I kept tossing between staying at MQ and going some where different.
On the last day of finalising university preferences I finally made the choice of putting University of Sydney as my first preference. With a lot of research and a little convincing from Laura I felt University of Sydney was the one for me. I came to this conclusion because, although I really did love MQ, the thing that set USYD apart from it was being able to get a TESOL certification in my final year.
For those who don't know, TESOL stands for Teaching English for Speakers of Other Languages (god that's a mouthful). A TESOL certification is internationally recognised and allows you to teach English to both children and adults. In most Universities you have to do this separate to your degree but at USYD it's included into your education degree, which is what eventually won me over. I wanted to get a TESOL degree because I wanted to have the opportunity to teach all over the world and if there was the chance that I couldn't find a job in Australia, I would still be able to pursue teaching in other countries. It also opens doors to working with non-english speakers in Australia such as refugees, which is something I've really wanted to do for a very long time.
So at USYD I am majoring in English and minoring in History (Modern) and I am honestly so excited. All my units sound super interesting and I am really excited. Again with the excitement there is still an element of anxiety but I think that if I remain open minded and willing to learn, each new experience will be valuable.
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